A Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Way the World Works

Sorry to my faithful readers (Laura) for taking so long to update my blog. I recently took a trip out to Brandon, MB. Which I may or may not blog more about later. Anyway, the subject on this blog is the discussion I had with a hitch hiker I picked up just outside of Kenora and drove with to Thunder Bay, stopping in Dryden for Pizza Hut. He kept talking and talking and I remembered I had a tape recorder in the car with me, so I tapped it and transcripted part of it. So without further a due, here it is (note: Italicized font is him talking, the normal is me talking)...

Wait 'til you hear this about the Rolling Stones. It'll blow your mind! What he's doing is creating a war over Bush. He's making everybody hate Bush because he's mad because England got hit.

This is Mick Jagger?

Yea. Because the terrorists bombed the subway... the ah... Metro in England right now. You know why that got hit? 'Cause they signed with Bush! The only country that never agreed with Bush... Is Canada! That's why we're the only country that won't have a terrorist attack. And these things they call terrorist attacks are just religious people that are correct. Okay? There's no such thing as terrorists, okay? They're not terrorists. Bush and the army, they're terrorists. Don't think that these people, who just lost their oil plus half of their population, are terrorists because they're not. They're just fighting back. And they've tried to fight back every other way, now they have to kill to get back, okay? And that's what the "Good Book" will explain to you that when there is a religious war God does have to come back to clean up this mess it's not going to be pleasant. Unfortunately, psychotic killers, there is a way you have to deal with them, you have to take your and sword go back at 'em the same way. You cannot go back at them by saying correct things and training them because they've learned to live a certain way of killing and bashing and psychologically damaging. The only way to bring them down is the same way they bring judgment, that's their judgment. Understand? They have to be killed otherwise they kill. That's all. You see? That's why we're going to have a nice religious war. It's pretty good, know what I mean? I have nothing to worry about I'm here forever. I know that.

Yea.

And I know that, but uh, I feel the time is near. Not only my time but time is near. So uh, in this sense. In this world. This world as it is now, it all has to be scratched, brought back to the drawing book, and... we need the youth, we need everybody because the education, the schooling - 12 years of schooling, are all shoving. There's a limit on education. Every things monitored! Even your schooling is monitored, you know? They know how much you learned that year and at how fast you're progressery is. You understand? It's incorrect! All the education is incorrect! All the psychological, it's incorrect! We're all under control! And we've been under control all our life! They're controlling our foods, they're putting stuff in our meat and everything so we don't get too aggressive and you know why? Because they're afraid of us! Do you know why everything is 24 hours now? Like grocery stores and things? Because they're sick of looking over their shoulders! You can't even buy a quart of milk now without fear, the real fear called Aids! Did I screw that family? Did I kill that family? Did I hurt them? You know what I mean?

Uh huh.

They're afraid now! Do you know the police and everybody are so scared? They know what's coming. You know what I mean? Because it's these times, you are in Hell. That's what I believe, and I believe it can only get better from here. So, this I look at as the bottom. Right now, if we continue to let this thing go, the way it is, we're finished. We're in trouble. Just like we have been all our life so we have to change this, right? The earth will heal itself, everything in time heals itself, right? So the environment is going to heal itself in time. There'll be no problem with that. But as long as we continue the educational thing, the psychological thing, all things, you know... I've walked into offices and I remember when they were persecuting me and throwing me in jail, I spent time in jail for things I'm not guilty of. Things they've exaggerated and fabricated a little story like this, 'cause I get angry. Anger's a perfect emotion. But they know how to push your button. You see? They teach cops and sociologists, psychologists how to push buttons. They teach that. And when they know how to push your button, they're groovin' in life. Because they can just push anyone's button in life, okay? And when they push your button, then your wrong. It's just "Oh, call the police." Then you'll talk it out, then you go to jail. And they make all kinds of money on that, right? And I've walked into the office for institutionalization because the cops, you know they'd say "Oh, this guy's crazy. He's sick. He needs help." Okay? So I've walked into these places, and I've walked into one of these places for three or four hours one time. And there's sociologists, psychologists, criminologists, I had them all in front of me, analyzing me and at the end of it they said "Mr. McCloud, you have no mental illness, no blood disorder. Do you know that?" They said, "You're correct!" You know how I started that interview? I walked in there, and the walls were all covered with these diplomas, and I said "You know what? You can take all these diplomas and shove them where the sun don't shine! Because that's where they belong!" I said "Lace up your boots! And walk the walk! The natural walk. Because you're going to learn some things you'll learn what world you're in. You're in Hell, my friend." And they just looked at me and then they wanted to analyze me, and they understand that I am correct. I took an IQ test, I can't get the results. And I said "How come?" Because my IQs a little... They're afraid of it. You know? I don't know what happened or what I did right, but my father was a dairy man, so I drank a lot of milk and dairy products when I was young. That's all I can figure out. So I still love my milk, right? I believe you gotta drink milk. And, you look at a cow, okay? And a cow, all it's life eats that grass, right? How come they're so big? How come they can produce milk? You know, you can take a half litre of milk and you know there's more vitamins and more minerals in that half litre of milk than a steak sandwich... er, steak meal? You know, explain it to me? It's the truth! It really is! That's why, I can't really afford it yet, but when I can afford to eat the way I want to eat...

Uh huh.

I'm going to be 100, 100, 100%! Right now I'm not. You understand? But I do want to stay in touch with nature and the truth of life because that is what saved me. Plus my experience in life and life experiences and they've done so many bad things to me, but I'm not going to point the finger. And I don't want to continue to, all my life, uh... I see people all my life that sue, sue, sue because they made a mistake. And, they tie it up, tie it up in court so that just before they're dead then they give them their money. It's not about money for me so I don't wanna sue ya. I don't care about that. You understand? And I understand that suing just makes my death hurried up because there's people like John Lennon, like Bruce Lee. I see people like John F. Kennedy. They were all murdered, don't let it fool you. Them murders were strategically put in play. The Beatles, if they were to stay in the music industry because they were on top, nobody would have beat The Beatles or Elvis Presley, okay? They were telling the truth, okay? So they killed them! Gone, right? How took over? Jagger! Why was he put there? How come this Jagger is worth $400-$500 Million right now? Why?!?! Don't tell me, okay? Don't tell me, because I know the answer, you know what I mean? I've went out there and I've met all these people. I've hung out with Mick and Keith, played pool. The only one that... Keith. Keith was the one who said "Why are you putting us on a pedestal?" I says, you know "I can't believe I'm having a beer and shooting pool with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards," I says "You guys are stars, man!" He says "Hey I piss and shit just like you," I says "You're right." he says "Forget about it. Be natural." Cause, Keith Richards is somebody who's controlled over by Mick. He's (Mick) a dominating person.

Yeah.

He runs the whole show man. You can't get a piece of his pie. That's why he's so rich, you know what I mean? He took some business courses, he took some advertising courses and he knows how to get up there and act, right? But he's also telling the truth. Now he's starting to understand the importance that God is real! Oh yeah! Yeah! So now he's turned the tables. He's got himself knighted by the Queen because he knows the Queen is going down. And he understands that when the Queen goes down we're all going down. So God has used him in a good way, because he's got knighted by the Queen, he answered same-sex marriage but really, you know what he's done? He's started the war. He's started the war and now God is going to return order. Do you understand what I mean? He started the ball rolling for the good. So he did so much, and I don't think it was his choice, they put him there. They told him "This is what you're going to do bah, bah, bah" So he said, "Okay. I want all these nice things in life anyway." So he did. But you know what? Mick Jagger really is a good guy, okay? But, he now has to repent. This is his repentance. You understand? He's going to tell the truth about Bush, he's starting to tell the truth. That's why I give him credit, right? He's a smart guy, he really is a smart guy. There's not really that many people with that kind of intelligent level, you understand? I have the same kind of level. I don't know where he's at but I know that I'm somewhere in the same way but you don't have to see God through the intelligence. You just have to walk natural to get there, to understand? Do not underestimate anyone or anything in this world. You have to be natural.

Being Rich must be cool

Yes, being "Rich" is cool. I thought I'd beat Mr. Pepper to it.

$1.09. That’s how much gas is right now (give or take a few cents) per litre. I knew it would happen, but it still made me angry to see it. And they did it in true big oil style. Whenever I start worrying that the gas is going to increase, let’s say for example from 80 cents to 90 cents, it starts at 80 then it inches it’s way up to 85 then up to 87, 88… BAM! 99 cents. Then it goes down to 90 cents and everyone says “Phew! At least it’s not at 99 cents! C’mon! Let’s go buy gas while it’s down!” When in reality, gas was only up that much to make it appear that gas prices are going up and down, when really they are only making a steady increase.

What are we to do? I was pleased to find that when the “war” against Iraq started up that people weren’t buying into the gas companies excuse that gas prices were rising because of the war. We all knew. We all knew that it was a lie, but what could we do about it? Imagine turning on the TV one day and there is the head executives of several big oil companies, and one of them picks up a sheet of paper and reads “Dear Consumers, we’d just like to say that we’re making 800% profits. Thank you very much, you poor bastards.” and then he proceeded to club a baby seal to death. They might as well do this, because it wouldn’t make any difference. We know what is happening but we are all too apathetic and helpless to do anything about it!

“Buy a Hybrid or an electric car, or at least sell your car and get a more fuel efficient one.” You first! What difference will it make if one person cuts their fuel consumption by let’s say 25%? Will it even make a ‘blip’ on the gas company’s radar? Well the obvious answer is: “No, but if everyone was doing it, it would!” Well, everyone is never going to do it! Everyone as a whole, whether you are the consumer or the big oil company, needs incentive to do the right thing. If Hybrid cars suddenly became the cheapest cars on the market and the government continued to give tax refunds to people who bought hybrid cars (note: this past year the Government of Canada was giving people $2000 refunds for buying Hybrid cars) then more and more people would buy them. If I could afford to buy a car that was better on gas, I would.

As a side bar: Did you know that the Japanese are developing an electric car… With Balls! It’s an 8 wheeled car called the Eliica. It’s said to be able to reach up to 400 kph and accelerates 0-100 k in 4.0 seconds. Unfortunately it goes right now for around $320,000 U.S. Anyway, it’s progress. Now back to my rant…

“Walk.” Sure! Meanwhile, I have to go to bed earlier and get up in the morning earlier to get to work on time if I’m going to walk. The “walk” argument is a hard one to argue with because it does have rewards. It saves money and it’s good for you. But does that really make my complaints about fuel being too expensive void? I do walk sometimes to the video store and I’ve walked to Maltese. I guess I could walk more, but then why do I even have a car?

Here’s my idea. Cover your license plate with some paper or something and wear a ski mask to the gas station. Fill up your car. Calculate what 60% of the price is and leave that much in an envelope taped to the pump.

As a fuel consumer, I actually have it pretty good. My commute to work is about 3-4 minutes and I take minor excursions around Thunder Bay. I still have to fill up my car with gas every two weeks, which costed around $95 per month before the most recent gas price hike. With prices going up even more, winter coming along before you know it, which means I’ll be running my car heater and walking even less how am I going to afford gas for my car? Plus I will no longer be working full-time, as I’ll be going to school! So gas for my car is going to be $100+ per month, my rent and utilities are going to be harder to pay, groceries, there's my expensive crystal figurine collecting hobby (j/k), clothes and just to give me an extra kick in the balls, Lakehead has increased the price of parking passes quite significantly. Way to go, Dipshits. Because life as a student isn’t hard enough. One of the great things you have to offer students: cheaper parking compared to other schools, and you take that away. I come here, why? Oh, that’s right, because I happen to live in Thunder Bay. If you’re going to take all kinds of money away from me, the least you could do is have wireless internet on campus! Why don’t you figure out better ways of making more money (i.e. more students enrolled) than just taking it out on the students who come here? Things like having a clean campus, offer wireless internet, operate offices that work together and aren’t poison to each other. Why give students more incentive to go elsewhere?

That said; I actually like going to Lakehead. I like that it’s a small campus, I feel like I am getting a good education and am learning some very worthwhile things… Except for Stats, which I’m not learning so well in. But I’m angered that everywhere I turn, someone is trying to take my money and when I finally commit to giving someone some of my money they demand I give them more. Maybe this is why it’s so easy to ignore the bleeding hearts that tell me not to shop at big box stores like Wal-Mart. Why would I shop somewhere else? So I can pay more, meanwhile it won’t make any difference. Wal-Mart will keep on growing, the store I’m supporting will either have to uproot or raise their prices and take more of my money. My money can only be stretched so thin.

Question of the Day (2 Points, for Women ONLY): Which NHL Hockey Team recently signed John Leclair?

Bertuzzi set free!

As TSN, Sportsnet, and the Fan 590 have all pointed out already: The news of Bertuzzi's suspension from the NHL being over has burried the news of Wayne Gretzky's decision to coach the Phoenix Coyotes. I guess it has if you say it has.

If you haven't been keeping track of the whole thing: On February 16, 2004, hockey player for the Colorado Avelanche, Steve Moore, hit and took out Vancouver captain, Markus Naslund. Giving Naslund a concussion which would keep him out for 3 games. For this hit no penalty or suspension was given. Right away cameras are thrown in Canucks players faces to shoot wrestling-style promos about about how Steve Moore was going to pay.

March 8, 2004. Colorado travels to Vancouver. Bertuzzi trys to call out Steve Moore. Moore tries to ignore the man who has 40 pounds on him (usually a smart move). Gets sucker punched, knocked unconscious, everyone on the ice piles on top of him (which is probably what broke his neck, not the actual punch).

August 9, 2005. Patrick asks me to blog about Bertuzzi's return.

17 months. That's how long Todd Bertuzzi has been out for. Is it long enough, given that there was no NHL last season so really everyone had a 12 month suspension? In total, Bertuzzi missed 13 regular season games and 7 playoff games losing out on a little over $500,000. Bertuzzi also missed 2 IIHF World Championships and a World Cup tournament, which he probably would have played in had he not been suspended from the NHL. Bertuzzi was also not allowed to play in any of the professional leagues in Europe.

It's hard to know if Bertuzzi has served his time. I know I want him back, he's an exciting player. And some would argue that if the league would have suspended Moore for his hit on Naslund that this wouldn't have happened. But suspension or not, I can't see how Vancouver wasn't going to be out for Moore next time they played Colorado. So then people argue that if Moore had honoured the unwritten rulebook of hockey ("hockey" in this case is a synonym for "NHL"), he would have fought the 245 lbs. Bertuzzi "like a man". But was Bertuzzi "being a man" by punching a guy when he's not looking? How much punishment is that worth? 20 games? 82 games? Does non-NHL hockey count?

I have to ponder about Steve Moore. He was a 4th line forward barely breaking the line up. Is that why he hit the best player on the other team, Markus Naslund? To make himself look valuable to his team? Impossible to know for sure, but not far-fetched. And if he gets up from Bertuzzi's punch, is he labelled a great agitator? For which there is some honour. Agitators are valuable hockey players, and if in two games Steve Moore can get Naslund taken out of a game and then get Bertuzzi kicked out of the game (which may have been the only thing that happened to Bert had Moore not been knocked unconscious, maybe a smaller suspension) does that not look attractive to the Colorado Avelanche or any other team? Maybe this was Moore reason for not fighting back. He wanted to be under the same label as guys like Sean Avery, Matthew Barnaby, Claude Lemieux. Is there any more beloved Fin hockey player than Esa Tikkanen? One of the great agitators and a valuable hockey player.

One interesting tidbit from the Bertuzzi case is that Todd Bertuzzi is not allowed to play in any game that Steve Moore is playing in. I wonder, if Colorado plays Vancouver 8 times in a season (could be more if they meet in the playoffs) would it be worth it to dress Moore in the line up, just to keep one of Vancouver's best scoreres out of the line up? Hmmmm.

I like it when people like what I like

Man, am I ever looking forward to hockey tonight! This week in the life of an NHL fan has been incredible. More than half the entire league are either Free Agents or Restricted Free Agents. You’ve got teams that before the current collective bargaining agreement were always buying up all the good players now selling or passing up on them. And teams that would normally not be able to sign the big names signing them! The league is going to be so different next year and I feel like I have no one to share in the excitement with. My Dad and brother-in-law, Eric are out of town. Tim’s gone camping. And the majority of the people in my day-to-day life don’t really now about or care what’s going on right now in the NHL.

Me: “The Oilers got Chris Pronger!”
Idiot who doesn’t like hockey: “Okay.”
Me: “He’s, like, one of the best players in the NHL. He was the MVP in 2000.”
Idiot who doesn’t like hockey: “Oh.”
Me: “They never would have been able to sign him before, but thanks to…”

[Stops for a second to consider whether he should say: “CBA” or “Collective Bargaining Agreement”]

“…the new deal, small market teams like Edmonton and Calgary can sign or re-sign the top player in the league.”

Idiot who doesn’t like hockey: “Oh. Okay.”

[Ponders how to make this the least bit interesting for the other person]

Me: “He’s from Dryden, you know?”

And so it goes. I’m absolutely starved to share some excitement about all this to someone besides the geeks at the Hockey’s Future Boards.

Fortunately, tonight is hockey and at hockey there will be people who (hopefully) share my enthusiasm.

And to make sure I that I go way to far to the right on the geek-nerd continuum, here’s my top 5 most intriguing moves this off season so far:

1. Scott Niedermayer to the Anaheim Ducks-Being that my favourite player is Sergei Fedorov and hence I am a Ducks fan, of course this would be #1 on my list. Also, Scott gets to play with his brother, Rob.

2. Chris Pronger to the Edmonton Oilers-Edmonton can finally buy stars instead of making them and then selling them to the Rangers.

3. Peter Forsberg to the Philadelphia Flyers-The Philly fans I’ve talked to seem to think of themselves as already a cup favourite. But really I feel like they’ve only gotten marginally better and have an injury prone star while most of the rest of the league is getting better.

4. Alexei Kovalev to the Montreal Canadiens-Actually this is a re-signing but I never thought he’d go back to Montreal. Kovalev really tore it up with the Habs in the playoffs last season.

5. Tony Amonte to the Calgary Flames-In last season’s playoffs, the Flames made it to the Cup finals with really only one, maybe two stars on the team. Now Amonte will be there to help out Jarome Iginla.

TUpdate

I’m sorry Blue Sportcoat readers that my blog hasn’t been updated in a week, but I’ve been busy studying for my Stats exam, which I’m not sure how well I did on. But I don’t feel like talking about that. In fact, I don’t really feel like getting very deep into anything, but I do feel like updating and talking about whatever I want to talk about…

Last Friday I got to meet the famous “Cat Lady”, Laura. It was a complete fluke as a group of the “Hockey guys” decided last minute after hockey that we weren’t going to go to our usual Robin’s Donuts and instead decided to go to Boston Pizza. Patrick and I sat with Laura and her friends: Brian, and the so-called “MSN Pervert”. If you want to read more about this meeting or need a different perspective you can read about it on Laura’s Blog.

I enjoy hockey in three different ways: Playing Hockey, Playing Videogame Hockey (NHL 2K5), and watching and keeping track of NHL Hockey. Right now, keeping track of the NHL is very interesting! You’ve got the highest number of free agents ever and with a salary cap, players are starting to play where “they want to play” instead of whoever will pay them the most. This isn’t the case all of the time but it is now more common than ever. It will be facinating to see what all 30 teams will look like on Oct. 5th.

My roommate and our friend recently went to a little store beside the Taco Time on Memorial to buy fireworks this past week and were setting them off in our back yard. This brought me so much joy, especially when they would generously allow me to light a few off. I felt like I was 13 again. We were like three boys. We’d light the fire work, run away from it and then watch it blow up, and then laugh our asses off. This past Sunday I made my way to the store and bought a box of bottle rockets (Bang! Into the air… Bang!), 4 Vulcan Airbombs (Like a super bottle rocket), 5 Roman candles (10 flares), and another one I can’t remember the name of but I guess it’s supposed to look pretty cool. Anyway, last night I decided to set off a Roman Candle in the back yard. Now usually the fire works have a pointy end to stick into the ground or come with a stand. The Roman candles have neither. So I decided that if I stuck it in a empty beer bottle and set it on the grass it would be okay. I lit it and ran away to the deck… Boom! (A green flare)… Boom! (A red flare)… Boom! (Nothing) what? Ryan and I looked down but couldn’t make out what had happened. Boom! A Red Flare right at the neighbours fence! Boom! Boom! Boom! Alternated red and green fireworks being spat out at our neighbour’s fence and exploding! I’ve never watched a Roman Candle go off wanting so bad for it to stop all ready. Ryan found this the most hilarious thing in the world. In the morning there was a straight black line on the grass when the Roman Candle had been laying. Oh well, Ryan and I got a good laugh out of it.

Quiz of the day:

What does Dr. Nick say after this scene? (Possible 3 points)